I'm Back.

So it's the 20 15–20 16 school year and I can say from now that this school year has not been anything like what I expected it to be. My AP classes are definitely easier, but my sense of the need to get amazing grades is so much higher that I feel under stress 24/7. This year I embark on two new APs roads which are AP art history and AP seminar. 

So far AP art history with Ms. Falagan has been a roller coaster to say the least. I ended the first quarter with an 89% and a feeling in my stomach that I wanted to die. Not only would Ms. Falagan not bump me up to a 90 which may I add is only 1% higher but the difference between an A and a B. She said "it's because of all the shit I give you".  The class though, is very interesting. I've always been interested in art and learning about it really blends everything together and makes it all makes sense. 

My other AP class (AP seminar) is an absolute joke. I sit in the class every day and wonder what am I doing with my life. I do not have the slightest  idea what the purpose of this cours is and I don't really understand what we're doing half the time. Everything that we do seems so pointless that I feel like throwing myself into the wall. My teacher is a cute little old man with really cool accessories, including any earing.  Although I like his appearance and his personality, his need to rant for over 30 minutes about an irrelevant topic is so blood  curdling that I would rather be back in AP world history.  

But on a brighter note, I feel like my AP exams this year it will be fairly easy. That is of course if Ms. Falagan decides not to retire in January because she's getting surgery since we give her ulcers and are ultimately killing her.  By the way those are her words not mine.  

I hope everyone else started off to an amazing year because God knows I have not. 

I Did It.

Today is the last day of July 2015 and I received my AP scores about 3 weeks ago. Now if we look back on my previous posts you know I was stressed to the max and was prepared to fail if not 1 than both of my AP exams. And today I am here to tell you that I, Michelle Monjarrez, passed not 1 but BOTH of my AP exams. Can I get a HEEEELLLLLLL YEEEEAAAAAAAA? When I saw my scores I was beyond happy and I was filled with satisfaction knowing that the entire year of hard work (and yes I will admit a lot of slacking) payed off. For everyone out there who is about to go into their first AP class, Ill tell you this; you can do it. But only, if you stop being lazy and do some work. I know for sure that if I didn't study like a mad person the whole week before the AP World exam I would have failed. Without a doubt. So work hard because in the end, you're just doing yourself a favor.

PS can we talk about how I received a postcard from Mrs. Farkas (my AP World teacher) congratulating me on passing.? Best. Feeling. Ever.

IM A BACK TO BACK AP EXAM SURVIVOR

I did it. I survived. I didn't die or throw up or have a panic attack and you know I feel kind of okay. SIKE AF. I feel more than okay, I feel on top of the world. I walked into that class and sat in my seat and not gonna lie I never felt more like throwing up. But I didn't. I zoomed through the multiple choice in about 53 minutes leaving me 2 minutes to go back to the ones I had skipped and tidy up my bubbles which looked like zig zags. Some people were stressing about how they didn't finish or thought it was a little hard, but I thought it was pretty easy. (Side note: This exam was not in any way easy. If you just want to take the exam, you're gonna fail. TBH. NGL.) After that, we had a 10 minute break and those were the shortest 600 seconds of my life. Then we all piled up into the classroom and stepped into our desks that were exactly 3 feet apart to take the essay portion of our exam. And I killed it. I made those essays my PERSONAL slave. College board has nothing on me. COME AT ME BRO. I finished and then went back to Farkas's class and ate my weight in bagels, yogurt, and grapes. Then the next day I did it all over again. 

This is just a reminder that you can do this. I almost gave up multiple times and I'm pretty sure I did at one point. But you have to keep looking forward. You have to believe in yourself. Just like Mr. Panton believes in us.

THIS IS IT.

TOMORROW'S THE DAY. THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED AP WORLD EXAM WILL TAKE PLACE TOMORROW AND I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE STRESSED OUT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. IT'S DRIVEN ME TO WRITE THIS ENTIRE BLOG IN CAPITAL LETTERS SO YOU CAN FEEL MY ANXIETY. I'VE STUDIED MORE THIS PAST WEEK THAN I HAVE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I'VE TAKEN ABOUT 3 PRACTICE EXAMS AND FINALLY MANAGED TO ACHIEVE A 71% YESTERDAY. WHAT DAY WAS YESTERDAY? TUESDAY A.K.A. TWO DAYS BEFORE THE BIG DAY. PEOPLE ARE SAYING NOT TO STRESS BUT HOW COULD I NOT WHEN I'VE DEVOTED MY ENTIRE YEAR AND RUINED MY GPA JUST FOR THIS 3 HOUR AND 5 MINUTE EXAM THAT RIGHT NOW FEELS LIKE COULD MAKE OR BREAK MY ENTIRE LIFE. IS THERE SUCH A THING AS ANTI ANXIETY MEDICINE BECAUSE I COULD USE SOME OF THAT. THEY SAY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO STUDY THE DAY BEFORE YOUR EXAM BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING. I NEED TO BE PREPARED. I'VE NEVER FELT MORE UNPREPARED IN MY LIFE!!!! ALL I CAN HOPE IS THAT I AM ACTUALLY THE REINCARNATION OF MS. FARKAS EVEN THOUGH SHE'S NOT DEAD AND THAT IT COMES OUT TOMORROW DURING THE EXAM SO I CAN SLAAAAY.


EVERYONE PRAY FOR ME AND THE REST OF THE POOR NINTH GRADERS ABOUT TO FACE THEIR FIRST AP EXAM WHICH IM SURE 90% OF US ARE NOT MENTALLY PREPARED FOR.

P. S. IF YOU NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN IT'S BECAUSE I HAD A HEART ATTACK DURING THE EXAM AND DIED, CAUSING EVERYONE IN MY ROOM TO PASS. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Palmetto's On Crack

So with the stress of all the AP exams coming up, I understand that people may be a little out of their minds and don't know how to handle things. But seems to be that the entire population of Miami Palmetto Senior High School has turned to fighting each other.

This past week I've seen more fights that I have in my entire life. These fights have been extremely physical and totally dangerous and always end up in these catastrophic results and everybody seems to just stand there and watch. I will never be able to understand how people can cheer other people on that are hurting each other and just stand there and watch and record and not do anything about it. Some people say that it's the "bystander effect"  where everybody thinks that someone else will jump in and do something about it so they just sit back and watch. But I know that this isn't the case. Everybody would rather get together and they might as well just whip out some popcorn because they're watching this as if it's a movie and it's not the lives of two or more actual human beings that are being destroyed in front of their own eyes. Not only are you physically causing harm to another human being that could cause permanent damage, but you're also messing up their lives because they could have to take an AP exam or take an end of course exam or just finish school and they have to finish strong but because you decided to go fight each other over something so petty and stupid that could have resolved another way or just watch them and let them fight and hurt each other, you're not allowing the other person or the people involved to succeed in life. You are literally stopping them from achieving whatever they want to achieve because I promise you that their entire goal in life is not to beat up a kid or to have you watch them beat up a kid or get beaten up.

Nothing disgusts me more than to see the people that I know show videos of other people getting beaten up or say "oh yeah I took this, it was so live" or have them upload it onto their Snapchat story and be proud that they're there witnessing this moment or even worse, worrying about the people fighting scratching your car when they're slamming each others bodies because in their little brains, they think will make history but in reality it will only make history in a negative way. All of these fights that keep coming up at Palmetto will only make everything stricter and will probably end up with severely hurting someone and nothing good come out of them.

As Derek Shepard used to say, "It's a great day to save lives." If  you are ever in the position that you're witnessing a fight or you know that if a fight's going to happen, do something about it and don't just go and watch. Just like you can pick up your phone to press record you can pick up the phone to call someone or call 911 or just knock some sense into them.

See what some Palmetto students have to say about what's going down:

A Little Something-Something

As I was sitting in a yearbook classroom filled with bright minds, I was approached by one in particular. We had met before, hung out a bit, and here we were again. The student wanted to share something with me, and I'm now sharing it with you. Enjoy.

                     What is life?

What are cars

What are clothes 

What is Mars 

What are toes

What is color

What is art

What is humor

What is start

I couldn't tell you what start is but I know it is a thing. Just another thing in this life of things and it is what I had to do at the beginning of this thing

But what is a thing you ask?

I don't think I could tell you what a thing is if I tried but I know I felt something when my best friend had died. 

Something deep down in my heart which appeared when I received the news which led me to consume myself in drugs & booze

What is pain

What is love 

What is disdain

What is above 

What are drugs 

What is booze

What are hugs 

What is a bruise

How do we know what is what 

It is truly a pain in the butt 

But we always figure out a way because without these things we would have nothing to say.  

The uncertainty is unreal but words is something one must feel 

Because words are power

Words are trust

Words are sour

Words are lust 

Words are a must

Words are wisdom

Words are strong 

Words are freedom 

Words are wrong 
Yet again words are always right because without words there would be nothing in sight. 
We would not be able to describe, express, inscribe, impress
Words are life but then again life is just a word and so is word. 
So what gives words these qualities they obtain, there is no real answer 
In anyone's brain.
But to me words are insane and 

They pack more punch than a speeding freight train. 
Because without words I would be nothing. 

Just a grain of sand on this fucking beach with no more importance than a god damn leach. 
Words let me reach 
Words make me big
Words are my niche 
Words can break me like a twig 
Because words are bigger than I'll ever be and they can't be used without a fee

Because life is a word 
And words are my life

Easy Peasy

Why can't every class be like AP Human? Honestly. It's challenging just like every AP class but its manageable. I can walk in there and know I'm going to pass this test and know without a doubt in my mind that I'm going to pass the AP exam.

Mr. Hayduk likes to give us unit tests on vocab. 100 questions, 60 minutes, matching. It's hard and yes you have to put some effort in and study but if you do then you'll see the results. Simple as that. But with other classes, specifically AP World, you can put in all the time in the world and study like there's no tomorrow but guess what it still probably won't pay off. That's the most frustrating feeling in the world.

If every class were like AP human life would be a breeze. Does Mr. Hayduk intimidate the crap out of me? Yes. Do I sometimes get stressed out? Yes. Is it somewhat time consuming? Yes. Do I feel like giving up 24/7? NO! I feel like I can do this and that im not worthless or an idiot. And everyone needs that uplifting feeling especially right after walking out of a class that makes me feel all of those things and more.

The point is, forget AP world and rock on AP human. 

Block It Out

   So today is Monday, May 4th, 2015, and we have exactly 10 days until our AP exam. 10 days. 2400 hours. I have 10 days to try and memorize all this garbage being fed to my brain that it honestly does not want. It's honestly like giving milk to someone who is lactose intolerant. Except I won't be throwing up the information being fed to me, I'll just be throwing up.
   Today, I was sitting in Ms. Farkas's class you know just taking notes being the good student I am and I decided to put my headphones in. Why? Because I needed something to distract me from her voice. After listening to her voice for almost an entire year, I just can't do it anymore. I can't listen to her voice without being so suicidal that my hand looks like a gun. So I put one headphone in and kept doing my thing taking notes, not distracting anyone from their learning or note taking. Let's be real though nobody else is taking notes! Everyone else is just lollygagging and yelling out answers that might be right but the majority of the time are wrong. And who does she decide to call out? Me.
   I'm pretty sure her exact words were "Take that headphone out of your ear. I don't care if you fail your AP exam but you better take that headphone out of your ear before I send you to Mr. Ruiz's class." EXCUSE ME?! WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS! SORRY IF IM DOING MY WORK AND JUST SO HAPPENED TO HAVE MY HEADPHONE IN MY EAR.
   In what world is it okay to tell a student that they can go fail their AP exam? Not in my world. No teacher should be allowed to say that. And on top of that it did absolutely nothing for the positive! All it did was made me want to stick pretzels up her nose and stop taking notes. Her comment literally made me want to stop my education. I already barely had any form of motivation and now what do you know I have none for the rest of the day.

Cheers to a great start of the week am I right?

Closest Thing to the Miracle that is Jesus Christ

   Yesterday as I was sitting in class looking at my "F" on my practice test, Mrs. Farkas came to the realization that no one in our class knew what the f*** they were doing. It was such a miracle I thought Jesus Christ was in the room.
   Throughout the school year, we have had information shoved down our throats like there's no tomorrow and not until 2 weeks before the AP exam does our teacher realize we haven't been absorbing any of it.
   As we all sat there, she asked what we would rather do tomorrow, a DBQ or go over the practice test. The majority of the room was all for the DBQ and at that moment I was sure everyone was on crack. I raised my hand like the civilized student I am and spoke my mind.
   I said, "I think we should go over the practice test because if you put a DBQ in front of us, we can BS our way through it and whip out a pretty decent essay. If you put one of these [practice test] in front of us, the majority of the class is going to fail."
   Saying this out loud sparked an emotion inside of me and I started tearing up. The fact that I was going to fail my first standardized test had finally hit me and I was beyond overwhelmed. Many students are in the exact same position as I am so can I get a #relatable.
   Teachers need to focus more on learning and less on just "getting through the book."




**Side note: This blog will not be completely negative (@mrpanton). Starting May 16th, the day after my last AP exam, this will be a pocket full of sunshine**

Do It For the Grade

   With the amount of stress that we're under as students about to take our AP exams, every second of our time is valuable. Teachers seem to not understand that concept.
   As a student athlete and AP taker, I personally do not see the whole point of assigning time consuming homework that you're not checking or collecting. Even if you say its "for my own good" it's not. Personally, I don't care about world history and how the Gupta dynasty was decentralized or how Brazil needed slaves the most because they depended on what came from their plantations. I do it for the grade.
   The fact that I only care to do something if I'm getting credit says something about our school system and the way we're being raised. Students should want to learn! School is supposed to be all about learning and enriching your mind with information that you wouldn't receive otherwise, but it's turned into battle of GPAs.
   Students would rather cheat and devalue their integrity than just take the F. Why is this? Because we as a society value ourselves more on paper than our actual selves! I can promise you that I have not learned a single thing that I actually care about. Nothing is really retained in my brain because I just remember it for my test and then completely forget about it because I don't need it anymore.
   In school, we should be learning things that we'll actually need in life. We should be valuing every second we have because we only have a limited amount of time on this Earth.
   If teachers really want to pick and choose what they grade, I think we, as student who are pulling our hairs out, should have the right to pick and choose what we want to do without being penalized.

Do your job, and I'll do mine.

Teachers Who Don't Teach

With less than 3 weeks until the big day(s), AP teachers are trying to squeeze in as many practice exams and practice FRQs as possible. Along with this comes an amount of unneeded stress that just adds to the amount that we're already under.

This year, I was blessed with having both of my AP classes back to back. Fourth and fifth period are the time where my teachers yell their brains out and get frustrated to the point of almost crying. Along with that comes the fact that they're both giving practice every things so I'm forced to try and get my brain to concentrate and comprehend all the work that is being thrown at me.

Teachers have to understand that they're talking to kids that range from the ages of 14 to 18. How can you possibly expect me to write a DBQ like I'm talking to someone that is "simple minded" and then talk to me like I'm a professor at Harvard. Teachers are supposed to TEACH hence the name. We shouldn't be expected to self teach and then just review in class. And if they do expect us to do that, then they can not possibly get angry with us when we don't understand because they are technically not doing their job. We all know that we have a huge exam coming up and yes some students are not pulling their weight but some students genuinely do not understand and should not be punished by their teachers for that. If a student asks a question, it's obviously because they don't understand. When a teacher replies with "I already answered that" it doesn't benefit anyone and just has the teacher wasting her breath.

LMS if you agree.

Do You Believe in Magic?

Upon my return to Miami Dade County Jail Palmetto Senior High, the first task at hand was to make up everything that I had missed. First class to tackle: AP Human Geography.

Since I am still in the "please don't call on me or acknowledge my existence" with my teacher Mr. Hayduk, I decided to make up his test first so he wouldn't have a reason to yell/get mad at me. I grew some balls and went up to him after class. He simply told me to come during Journalism so I could have 45 minutes or to come during lunch and have 30 minutes. Now most people would've taken the option that gives them more time, so that's what I did. I went during lunch which gave me more time throughout the day to study.

When the time came, I had studied for a good 30 minutes in total and had 30 minutes to match 75 vocabulary words to their definitions. Needless to say I was close to pooping my pants especially since I failed the last test. I put the paper in front of me and it was like I was reborn. It was magical. I knew exactly what I was doing and it was such a rush. Knowing what the answer was without even having to second guess it is a feeling that I have missed. This made me realize that I've basically given up on myself and need to buckle down.

The next day I failed my Unit 3 Test. :)

MONO-jarrez

  Throughout one's lifetime, you get sick many times. It's uncontrollable, uncomfortable, but none the less, natural. Usually when you tell someone you're ill they say, "Hope you feel better!" or "Do you want some soup?" What did I get? An "F" in my toughest class that now sits at a 0.31.

  Officially known as Infectious Mononucleosis, it's become known as "the kissing disease". It is also known that it can be spread but only through saliva. Why am I telling you this? Because April 3rd I had a little itch in my throat when I woke up for 7 AM practice. I thought it was nothing more than a dry throat and that it would pass. Boy was I wrong. Next thing I know I'm out of school for 6 days and have everyone pretty much making fun of me and coming up with names that now seem to be stuck with me like "Monojarrez".

  Regardless of the time of year, missing 6 days of school is a lot. Now imagine missing thing much when you are one month away from what seems to be the first standardized test you will ever fail. As Mrs. Farkas likes to say, "the train never stops moving" and she means it. Over a span of 6 days I managed to miss 4 tests/quizzes and tons of information which will now never get the chance to go in one ear and out of the other. In my other AP class - AP Human Geography - I missed a huge unit test and the ability to become accustomed to the teaching style of my adoptive teacher Mr. Hayduk.

  I've always thought that everything happens for a reason, but I sure don't see one behind getting Mono.

Intro

     Around this time one year ago, I was an eager eighth grader, ready to own the halls of Miami Palmetto Senior High. Before I could do that though I had to have my teachers - specifically history - assign me to a class according to my competence. It was between Honors World History and the oh so dreaded AP World History. My beloved teacher Ms. Mateu thought I should try Honors since I had achieved a B every quarter. I on the other hand thought my sole purpose in life was to be in AP and how could she possibly think that I, Michelle Monjarrez, belonged in the second best class. With a little persuasion she did sign my sheet and I was feeling on top of the world...one year later and I feel anything but that. At t minus 5 weeks to the big exam, the entire student body that inhabits Ms. Farkas's classroom is on a roll to receiving that email that says "Sorry bud, you may have suffered various mental breakdowns over the past year but guess what! It was all for nothing because you failed! Sincerely, The College Board." Join me as I go through crunch time and see if I achieve the almost impossible - passing the AP World History Exam.